He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
