I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
