You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Michael Bay diarrhea
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
