Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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