totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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