YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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