Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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