Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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