I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
