I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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