i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
