If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
