I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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