I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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