That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
