You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
