quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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