are you still at the devil's house?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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