Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
