My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
