I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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