I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
