i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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