SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
