awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize