I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
