Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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