Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
