I didn't shave. On purpose
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
