We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
