Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
