fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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