i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
