so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Shame - the story of my life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
