just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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