If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
