part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
