okay pat passed out under dana's car
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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