I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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