and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize