oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
