hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
