he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
