When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
