a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We got so high we made milksteak
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
