alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
