that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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