Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
