ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
