he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
