he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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