so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
