Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
