I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
