Just mADE A PArabola og urine
should my penis look like a turkey
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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