The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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