Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
