Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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